Now what Carrie?
I was just running errands today - driving across Comm Ave after filling up on regular unleaded gas +$45 - and I started thinking randomly about my cousin Ivan who just got married last weekend in Hawaii. No, not one of those destination weddings, he lives in Hawaii. Made in Hawaii just like me (not China although many mistakenly joke so Scott). He's lived there all his life, that's the difference between me and him. Me, I got out early. Well, not by choice but lucky I did anyways. I was thinking I should send him a wedding present since I couldn't afford the ticket home to attend the ceremony. Then I realized that I'm not employed (not unemployed) and can't afford a present either. Hopefully either mom or dad remembered to include me on their card.
Then it started to make me depressed thinking about Ivan and getting married (not that I'm engaged but I might be some day). Once you get married you can practically reach out and touch the end of your life. Nothing new or exciting is likely to happen to you (unless you get divorced or someone dies). You will follow some age-old formula: married --> children --> work --> retirement --> grandchildren --> death. But really, does falling in love and making a lifelong commitment to that person have to imply the end of adventure? And if my parents never got divorced forcing my mother to move us to Mercer Island would I be just like Ivan? Would I find my love in Hawaii and never wander beyond that tiny island paradise?
It actually made me cry. I love Scott so much and we will probably get married and grow old together - given that he doesn't do anything stupid and remembers to do his expense reports. But have I lived my life? Am I ready to statistically give up the chance for adventures? Would I be giving up my chance? What do I see myself doing five years from now? Ten? Twenty? What is it that I want from life? If it's love, then what further purpose do I have for living now that I've found it? Why do the end the series when Carrie finds her "Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love?" I mean, after Carrie finds it what does she do for the remaining forty years of her life?
I know, not every marriage is the same. Not every couple is the same. Maybe we will get married (in Hawaii probably) and still go traveling around the world for the sole purpose of partying. But even just the words "husband" and "wife" open a whole box of boredom, drudgery, responsibility, and mundane. When you are out with someone and then they say "my wife," one immediately pictures the poor guy waking up, going to work, coming home, sleeping next to the "wife", waking up, going to work, coming home, sleeping next to the "wife", repeat. That's exactly what I pictured when we were out with that poor guy with Peter in Minneapolis. So boring was he that I can't even remember his name. Sean. That's it. So then is that what will happen to Scott when we get married? He will be at some big event someplace sexy - London or Milan or Hong Kong or Singapore - and he will say something like "I'll be right back I have to call and check on my wife" and the cute, young 21-year-old chick sitting next to him will picture my poor baby doing the whole wake up go to work come home sleep next to wife wake up go to work come home sleep repeat thing?
Then it started to make me depressed thinking about Ivan and getting married (not that I'm engaged but I might be some day). Once you get married you can practically reach out and touch the end of your life. Nothing new or exciting is likely to happen to you (unless you get divorced or someone dies). You will follow some age-old formula: married --> children --> work --> retirement --> grandchildren --> death. But really, does falling in love and making a lifelong commitment to that person have to imply the end of adventure? And if my parents never got divorced forcing my mother to move us to Mercer Island would I be just like Ivan? Would I find my love in Hawaii and never wander beyond that tiny island paradise?
It actually made me cry. I love Scott so much and we will probably get married and grow old together - given that he doesn't do anything stupid and remembers to do his expense reports. But have I lived my life? Am I ready to statistically give up the chance for adventures? Would I be giving up my chance? What do I see myself doing five years from now? Ten? Twenty? What is it that I want from life? If it's love, then what further purpose do I have for living now that I've found it? Why do the end the series when Carrie finds her "Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love?" I mean, after Carrie finds it what does she do for the remaining forty years of her life?
I know, not every marriage is the same. Not every couple is the same. Maybe we will get married (in Hawaii probably) and still go traveling around the world for the sole purpose of partying. But even just the words "husband" and "wife" open a whole box of boredom, drudgery, responsibility, and mundane. When you are out with someone and then they say "my wife," one immediately pictures the poor guy waking up, going to work, coming home, sleeping next to the "wife", waking up, going to work, coming home, sleeping next to the "wife", repeat. That's exactly what I pictured when we were out with that poor guy with Peter in Minneapolis. So boring was he that I can't even remember his name. Sean. That's it. So then is that what will happen to Scott when we get married? He will be at some big event someplace sexy - London or Milan or Hong Kong or Singapore - and he will say something like "I'll be right back I have to call and check on my wife" and the cute, young 21-year-old chick sitting next to him will picture my poor baby doing the whole wake up go to work come home sleep next to wife wake up go to work come home sleep repeat thing?
posted by Jess at 2:33 AM
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